Can I finally live now? At some point, growth/healing can become another job.

This morning I saw a dog with purple colored hair with his/her little head hanging out the window in the passenger seat of a car. The dog let the air blow in his/her face, and I instantly felt the word freedom and love, and I started to cry.

I realized at this moment, life is about becoming more alive, not more productive (those of us that have been overproducers and work horses understand) Not more healed, or more evolved but more alive!

For years, my life has been organized around responsibility, work, family, relationships, healing, growth, and self-improvement.

Even my spiritual journey has often been approached through the lens of:

"What am I supposed to understand?"

"What am I supposed to heal?"

"What lesson is this teaching me?"

And those questions have served me for a long time, although at some point me working on my healing and growth started to feel like another job.

The old unconscious pattern for me was

"I will allow joy or relaxation after I earn it."

For many years there was always another thing to fix, another person to help, another thing to survive, another thing to accomplish, another thing to understand, another thing to carry.

My joy kept getting postponed until later. Except later never arrived, and the simple experience of just being alive got pushed to the side, because there was always something that seemed more important.

The dog I saw this morning wasn’t trying to become anything. It wasn’t working on healing, it wasn’t processing childhood wounds, manifesting its purpose, etc. The dog was just experiencing the moment.

Years ago, when I started this healing journey the question for me was how do I heal?

Then it became:

How do I stop abandoning myself?

The next place was how do I come home to myself?

And now it is about how do I enjoy being myself?

This was the realization that happened after seeing the dog this morning. Life doesn’t necessarily happen after all the healing; it is happening during the healing process. The goal is not to understand life so perfectly that you stop living it. The goal is to understand yourself well enough so that you finally allow yourself to participate in it.

Because there comes a point where the soul no longer needs another lesson in just surviving.

It begins with participating in living.

Enjoy the ride.

I hope you feel the wind in your face.

Love Ms. B